Wednesday, 20 August 2008


Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To participate in the egg and spoon race.
The results of the race upset an old philosophical cart—showing that the eggs come first! This is bound to ruffle a few feathers, particularly among those most fond of trotting out the chicken or egg dilemma. They’ll probably end up flapping, confused and running round like headless chickens. While others, who always argued that the egg came first, will smugly seize on the tenuous visual evidence provided in the race. Preening themselves, self-satisfied with their ‘proof’ that they will perceive as feathers in their caps.

Monday, 18 August 2008


The carbon dating agency originated to provide a service for lonely hearts seeking partners who are virtual carbon copies of themselves. Since it started last year, the agency boasts many successes including one man who claims he’s met a real diamond. On the other hand, another man complains his partner uses kohl excessively for her eye makeup. In his case, the agency, realising the man is a victim of his own malapropism, have told him to lump it!

Thursday, 7 August 2008


Cold hands warm heart? Maybe said hands got cold being plunged into bushes in search of birds one in the hand is worth more than. Or perhaps were left ‘out in the cold’ and were unable to join a group of many that were making ‘light work’ of ‘spoiling the broth.’ ‘One hand clapping’ is a Buddhist koan yet hands deserve a round of applause that, ironically, they can’t give on their own. The ‘hands of fate’, unlike the hands of a clock, don’t point to a specific time or date whereas ‘helping hands’ are welcomed and considered great. To ‘lend a hand’ does not deprive the loaner of one but identifying the exact way in which they’ve helped is hard to ‘put one’s finger on’. Handymen are good with their hands and so are pugilists but most people prefer healers to lay their hands on them. If someone succeeds you have to ‘hand it to them’ but if things go wrong people are quick to ‘point the finger’ so that someone ‘shoulders’ the blame. ‘Hand to mouth’ is synonymous with poverty, foot and mouth afflicts poor swine, while ‘putting your foot in it’ indicates you are clumsy. ‘Cold feet’ is an expression that refers to nerves, particularly at the last minute and presumably also occurs as a result of skating on thin ice. ‘Up to your neck’ in it or ‘up to your eyes’ implies deep and inextricable involvement possibly in producing a ‘body of work’. ‘Legging it’ means running away and arsey people needn’t be bums to make you not want to ‘turn the other cheek’ and run away. Being ‘spineless’ collapses under close scrutiny—no one could stand if their vertebrae were in mutiny. ‘A head for heights’, on a more sensible level, suggests a fearless demeanour when ‘faced’ with heights. ‘Facing fears’ describes a supposedly commendable response to various frights, however ‘hard to swallow.’ After certain jokes, ‘throaty’ chuckles follow. ‘Neck and neck’ refers to closeness say, for example, in a race while ‘sticking your neck out’ implies a risk.