Friday 25 March 2016

'RESIDENTIAL APPROPRIATENESS' SCHEME SLAMMED BY RESIDENTS


BRIGHTON NEWS

(UNDERSTANDING THE BRIGHT OWN IAN’s)

EST: Recently.

(Ed. Rich Seamfinder)


COUNCIL’S ‘RESIDENTIAL APPROPRIATENESS’ SCHEME

‘INAPPROPRIATE AND INANE’ FOR RESIDENTS

 
Residents in Gardner Street could be forced to move and relocate if a controversial scheme from the council gets the go-ahead. The scheme, known as ‘Residential Appropriateness’, suggests that only people with professions in keeping with their street names should be allowed to live in them.

Lars Throat, a Big Issue vendor in and around Bartholomews, where Brighton Town Hall is situated, spoke to Brighton News about the bizarre scheme and of how he first heard of it.

‘A lot of my customers work for the council. I don’t like to gossip but now and again you hear rumours or overhear snippets of private conversations. On this occasion somebody slipped the information in my pocket sealed in a plain brown envelope. It basically means that say you live in Gardner Street, you’ll have to do a job that’s horticultural or very closely related.’

But critics of the scheme have reacted furiously, anticipating serious problems if the idea is implemented. Barnaby Jones, a plumber currently living in Gardner Street, said, ‘I suppose anyone in a dead-end job would have to live in a cul-de-sac!’ Mr Jones is Chairperson of Gardner Street Residents’ Opposition to the Residential Appropriateness Scheme Committee.

The council were unavailable for comment. However, a regular customer of Lars (who asked to remain anonymous) pointed out that Lars’s example contains a vital flaw: ‘Lars is completely illiterate; otherwise he’d have seen Gardner Street’s missing the “e” that would make it Gardener Street. This sort of scaremongering spells disaster for people who don’t read carefully or pay close attention to detail.’

Lars, 47, is a Norwegian fisherman who claims he fell foul of the Scandinavian mafia after he refused to appear in a skin product advertisement. Fleeing to England in 1999, he was badly injured in a series of accidents with drains in London before moving to Brighton in 2008 where he became homeless last year.

Ian J. Narolc

Wednesday 16 March 2016

BRIGHTON NEWS


(UNDERSTANDING THE BRIGHT OWN IAN’s)

EST: Recently.
(Ed. Rich Seamfinder)


SOLE TRADERS TO MEET IN MOULSECOOMB

Superannuated shoemakers are to hold their AGM in Moulsecoomb Leisure Centre in April. Sounds like a load of old cobblers!

Anji Noracull.


WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Shops across Brighton calling themselves mini-markets could be breaking the law and risking closure, according to A. Pedant from Trading Standards in Patcham.

‘Many of these businesses are convenience stores,’ Mr Pedant explains, ‘that sell neither small motor cars nor short skirts. It’s misleading the public.’

But Sanjay Patel, who runs a mini-market in North Laine, said: ‘On a regular basis, there are giant boot sales held in the city. But giants can’t get footwear there!’

Ernest Seeker.


 

 

Friday 11 March 2016

THE ROYAL PAVILION

The Pavilion rhymes with a civilian
But has served no such class of person well.
The ‘vision’ of the Prince Regent
(Who truly was monumentally self-indulgent)
The Royal Pavilion’s Indo-Islamic appearance, designed by John Nash
Makes it an inferior Taj Mahal.
Approximately 400, 000 people a year visit the RP
This, we’re told, is good for the city.
It's is an economic truism no doubt
But finding Brightonians and other Brighton denizens
Who’ve directly benefitted in any way from this statistic…
Well, let’s just say the jury’s out.






 

 


 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Pavilion