ASTRONAUTS

ASTRONAUTS 1

Astronoughts and crosses
To bear
I swear
Although he was astronaughty
He didn’t deserve to be crucified
He cheated
For he got cross over loss
Astronauts need their space
They can’t always see
A situation’s gravity.


ASTRONAUTS 2

(When) Orbiting the earth
Astronauts know their worth
Fleas upon the moon
Are lunar tic ideas
A planet made of granite
Is worth leaving town for
If you lived in Thanet.


ASTRONAUTS 3

Nasa Arafat took the PLO into the space age
It’s not rocket science, understanding Palestinian rage
Launching rockets as well as attacks on Israelis
Wasn’t Nasa’s idea—he claimed, it was Disraeli’s
Watching countdowns, on launch pads and DVD box sets with Richard Whiteley
Keeps Nasa and his satellites amused nightly.


ASTRONAUTS 4

Orbit—Neil Armstrong’s favourite chewing gum
Countdown’s theme tune is what he likes to hum.


ASTRONAUTS 5

The phases of the moon
Happen all too soon
For the mercurial astronaut
Playing with his penis
While orbiting Venus
Despite asteroid belts and many meteors
He knows he’ll never meet Eeyore
Or any other characters from Winnie the Pooh
It’s a good job he knows what to do
Instead of pinning a tail to the donkey
He tails a comet and from it feels all sunny inside
Even when the spacecraft flies a bit wonky
And a solar eclipse makes the sun go and hide
He looks on the bright side
And feels both joy and pride.

SPOKES SPOKEN OF

If you tire* of wheel-spoken people just tread carefully around them.

There’s no point in running them down, if they’ve already been run over.

Those who spoke well of outspoken blokes jokes feel wheel spokes in their tactile search for symmetry.

Spokes in wells tells of strokes that fell folks,

Making them drop wood spikes that spite a place for water.

A daughter caught her mother thirsting for her lover,

So she threw her down a well knowing full well she would not recover.

To not speak ill of the dead, to always think well of a shed,

Are equally worthy things to keep inside a healthy head.

For whom the bell tolls, trolls going like the clappers.

Tolls charged for rolls barged down canals channels funds into astronomical budgets,

But nothing like NASA’s.

*Tire is the American spelling of tyre.