ASTRONAUTS

ASTRONAUTS 1

Astronoughts and crosses
To bear
I swear
Although he was astronaughty
He didn’t deserve to be crucified
He cheated
For he got cross over loss
Astronauts need their space
They can’t always see
A situation’s gravity.


ASTRONAUTS 2

(When) Orbiting the earth
Astronauts know their worth
Fleas upon the moon
Are lunar tic ideas
A planet made of granite
Is worth leaving town for
If you lived in Thanet.


ASTRONAUTS 3

Nasa Arafat took the PLO into the space age
It’s not rocket science, understanding Palestinian rage
Launching rockets as well as attacks on Israelis
Wasn’t Nasa’s idea—he claimed, it was Disraeli’s
Watching countdowns, on launch pads and DVD box sets with Richard Whiteley
Keeps Nasa and his satellites amused nightly.


ASTRONAUTS 4

Orbit—Neil Armstrong’s favourite chewing gum
Countdown’s theme tune is what he likes to hum.


ASTRONAUTS 5

The phases of the moon
Happen all too soon
For the mercurial astronaut
Playing with his penis
While orbiting Venus
Despite asteroid belts and many meteors
He knows he’ll never meet Eeyore
Or any other characters from Winnie the Pooh
It’s a good job he knows what to do
Instead of pinning a tail to the donkey
He tails a comet and from it feels all sunny inside
Even when the spacecraft flies a bit wonky
And a solar eclipse makes the sun go and hide
He looks on the bright side
And feels both joy and pride.