Friday, 24 April 2009


Nepalese dysentery mutants on University Challenge—
Non-starters for ten, then breaking for elevenses,
Ill at ease, they drink antifreeze,
Wheeze with radioactive breath,
With self-induced rigor mortis, they mimic death.

Holidays in Chernobyl provide them with their memories,
Breast cancer research units provide them with mammaries.
‘Mammy, please,’ sing Al Jolson impersonators for their entertainment,
They give up their saliva for Lent.
‘A coin is wasted that is not spent,’ they taunt numismatists by chanting but soon repent.

They revere the silhouette of Bamber Gascoine and project it onto maps,
Confusing shadow boxers with their weirdo, manic traps,
They campaign against Turkey and think it should be banned,
Because the name describes a bird, they suspect it wasn’t planned.
Besides the Turks are berks, they swear,
Posting their shaved hair to MPs in protest.

Collecting marbles to squeeze and lick,
For them—tonguing spherical glass does the trick.
Putting their bald heads together,
They dabble in the occult to outlaw the name Trevor.
Leather jelly suggestion boxes foxes their detractors,
Who they chase with selotape (while playing tubas) riding tractors,
Weighing the odds, assessing the weather,
They gauge these and other factors.

Thursday, 9 April 2009


Bracelets, as adornments for a wrist or ankle, can be charming.
Brace-lets, as struts for hire or rental supports, are quite disarming.
Braces, let down, can let trousers down too,
Making work difficult, especially embalming.
Dental braces let teeth grow straight, which is great,
Until you get the dentist’s bill—
Then you have to brace yourself.
Financially, dentists don’t need our support.
Nor does the average builder.
However, the latter gets fatter working on construction,
While dentists use smaller tools and suction.
Coincidentally, both parties use various drills but, lest they sound too boring—
There the similarity ends.
Builders insert struts and, where needed, metal supports.
Dentists, conversely, strut about with hygienists sharing their thoughts.
Miners, like builders, sometimes used props,
As do actors, but theirs are just flops—as useful in building as a farm without crops.
Atleast actors know the show must go on,
Whereas the average builder showing up on time—
After propping up bars all night—is the exception.
A show of hands, of actors say, casting a vote,
On how to keep a milkman afloat,
Make builders chuckle and dentists gloat,
Over their profiteering, which we find sticks in one’s throat.
Extractions and excavations in adjacent properties,
In the dental surgery, the receptionist is a proper tease.
Builders make mess and noise while they fart and wheeze,
As dentists fill their pockets filling cavities, making jaws freeze.
Actors troop past in the street outside, on their way to rehearsals,
Their dramatic pace so fast, they dream of acclaim—
But will their fame last?
Mutual support with (-in) all three groups is lacking,
Lip service payments are swapped over backing not forthcoming.
A builder whistles, a dentist sings while a smelly actor’s humming.
On it goes as it ever will until the Second Coming.