Thursday, 26 February 2009


A David Niven resurrectionist,
Gauging quantities of aniseed twist,
Confounds the mistaken confectioner,
Whom he tosses aside with a flick of the wrist.

Orthopaedic mattresses rest on mats,
Outside their delivery addresses,
‘I was confused!’ the confectioner confesses,
To the resurrectionist, who he somewhat distresses.

At last, a confetti Yetti eats them both.
Or was it a sloth?

Wednesday, 18 February 2009


Can a shitzu do ju jitsu?
Or is this a form of self-defence taught in synagogues?
I thought a shitzu was a poor menagerie,
Rather than a breed of dog frequently confused with a type of massage.
If you went for some shiatsu and had a dog rubbed into your head,
It’d drive you barking mad and you’d do something else instead.
Possibly, like learning a martial art, for a start.
If you weren’t thrown by judo,
Or bored with board game Cluedo,
Rise early to watch the dew go,
Try something you don’t know.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009


NOW: Politically correct contortions of Orwellian proportions,
Police cautions, cautious police,
Poll ease, Pole seize, Pole vault—
For the incarceration of natives of Poland,
(With) Poles in hand.
Soles inland—fishmongers in shoe shops,
Cops a feel, cops appeal for witnesses,
Jehovah’s Witnesses appeal for attention inflicting their doorstep detention,
We need intervention to facilitate their prevention,
In ways I dare not mention.
Tension—racial and sexual, and tension headaches,
Bed lakes result from exaggerated bedwetting,
Bloodletting confusion stems from circulation of rumoured refusals of Jehovah’s Witnesses to receive blood transfusions,
Ironically, new blood is always welcome and aggressively sought by those bearing witness to Jehovah.
Whether you’re a lover or a loather of extremist religious factions,
One of their attractions is rigid thinking like mental traction,
Self-punishing abstinence and masochistic satisfaction,
With adherence to heresy and opinion, rather than the taking of action.