Thursday, 28 February 2008


A Brighton based Christian group claim to have witnessed a miracle, with members of their circle maintaining contact with the divine—through talking bread!
A. Fossil, speaking for the group, said, ‘Our circle met for a buffet last month and several members were holding pittas in their hands when, suddenly, one of them spoke! The bread, that is.’
Ms. Fossil, 72, claims the holy snacks astounded her and others by exclaiming: ‘Behold, man does not live on bread alone.’
‘We were shocked,’ she added. ‘I said, Crumbs!’
Since then, Ms. Fossil and her circle have met regularly to listen to their spiritual pittas.
‘We hold pittas close to our ears and listen to what they say. Sometimes they stay quiet, but on other occasions, we’ve heard them making strange noises. We’ve heard the sounds, emanating from the bread, of tiny footsteps, like children’s.’
So, it seems, when the bread is lost for words the group still manages to hear their ‘pitta-patter.’

Wednesday, 20 February 2008


The law is an ass!
It’s now an arrestable offence to visit a friend’s house if you fart on arrival—
It’s called ‘breaking wind and entering.’
The law is a blunt instrument,
But you have to be sharp to play with it.
‘Breaking the law’ would suggest that it’s fragile,
Exploiting ‘legal loopholes,’ you have to be mentally agile.
Law and order are electoral banners,
Dictating what acceptable behaviour, right down to manners is.
A thorough review of the law requires diligent scanners.
Naturally, society is based on rules, but why are they made by fools?
To ‘follow the letter of the law’ is frequently advocated, but seldom done.
A man receiving an entire judicial system through the post one day,
Knows these things are ‘sent to try us,’ or so they say.

Tuesday, 19 February 2008



The grass is always green with envy…
Irrespective of the verdant quality of Richard Llewellyn’s valley.
Green can mean (environmentally) clean and, also, naïve,
While the ‘green eyed monster’ indicates a jealous beast.
Eating your greens is healthy, but rarely considered a feast.
Green Park in London could be an open air venue for a Green Day concert,
Or The Green Party’s annual conference.
Green means GO in traffic lights, but Greenland isn’t really.
Little green men are clichéd aliens as well as being signals at pedestrian crossings.
The Green Goblin and the Jolly Green Giant are equally well known.
Green baize provides snooker players with a playing surface.
Bowling greens and Wimbledon have much in common.
While being ‘green around the gills’ is not an affliction of fishes;
Nor does it refer to moss deposits in a public bar’s optics.
Green can mean money including sterling,
Stirling Moss, however, was a racing driver.
Snot is green and so are some irises.
The Red and the Green is a novel by Iris Murdoch.
Green partners red in a form of colour blindness.
This does not affect how we perceive the Green Berets,
Or Greenpeace.
Greenhouses can grow the stock of a greengrocer,
As well as being an effect and gases.
It’s not ‘green’ to fly, but there are greenfly.
The Green Man is a mythic geezer,
A green card is a visa.
An asthmatic gardener is a green-fingered wheezer.
Gretna Green hosts teenage weddings.
Elizabeth the First’s teeth were reportedly green.
‘The green, green grass of home,’ is a song—
Tom Jones, not as green as he is cabbage looking, moans.
Hughie Green presented ‘Opportunity Knocks.’
Green hues in many shades colours mould,
And, sometimes, pairs of socks.