Wednesday, 12 December 2007


Hoarse, the allergic reaction sufferer hissed a mean request for antihistamine at the pharmacist, only, ignored in the chemist’s, not abhorred in the premises but because of the chemist’s premise that to prioritise a farmer’s cist made that man persist. With his right palm on his left wrist, he felt his strong pulse, then missed—a beat, misplaced his feet, which tripped him up in his own store. To send him crashing to the floor by shelves filled with tubular ointments and plastic bottles of pills. His elbow dislodges an opened bottle of shampoo that spills over his legs where he feels strange chills.
‘Are you all right?’ Asks the assistant, in white; helping him up before getting a fright.
The chemist, now livid, shouts with rage, feeling humiliated and twice his age.
‘I should have worked for Boots,’ he cries. Although, usually, this is what he denies. He’s paranoid about them, believing they send him their spies who pose as his customers and pray that he dies. He’s sick of their tactics, their placebo tic-tacs and all of their lies.
His assistant, now terrified, sees he’s insane and no longer wise.
‘Call an ambulance, somebody!’ She shrieks at, and then peeks out, the window as people pass by. ‘Help me—mad chemist! Won’t someone help me, please try?’ She implores the pedestrians looking at the sky.
‘Pains in the neck, with their headaches, racking my brains for relief from their aches and pains remains a bitter pill that I find hard to swallow…’ The chemist, frothing at the mouth rants. His invective directed at his trembling assistant, facing south.
‘I am so sorry,’ she falters. ‘I thought you liked your work…’
His expression never alters as he says, ‘This proves to me you’re insensitive and something of a berk!’
‘Oh how can you be so cruel?’ She weeps, less scared now she feels self-pity and something of a fool.
The crazed chemist does little to remedy the situation as he starts to drool, a manic grin contorting his face. Then, for him, thumb sucking seems cool, urinating down his trouser legs until he stands in a self-made pool. His assistant pulls her hair and as customers flee from the shop, she’s close to panic and despair—won’t anybody stop?
Abruptly, the chemist goes quiet after his one-man riot. She thinks she hears, in the distance, an ambulance sirens wail. On her way to the door, she feels dizzy, sick and quite frail. The chemist is immobile, slumped on the floor, near her feet. His skin looks deathly pale.
Fancy losing your mind, thought the nervous assistant, after making sure he was dead; then to find, on the very same day, your heart, too, will fail!


Having made certain he was dead; the traumatised assistant went home to bed, leaving his corpse on the shop floor. At least she put the CLOSED sign in the door, leaving, feeling most upset. In fact, now she was jobless, she was completely bereft.

Friday, 7 December 2007


’Tis the season to be jolly,
In the shops and spending lolly,
Christmas is sold as a time for giving,
Christ, we’re told, was one forgiving,
Commercial celebrants of the birth of Christ,
Are greedy opportunists—their stock overpriced,
The concept of their being ‘festive,’
Annually upsets and makes me restive,
For all year long, shops take our money,
Not reciprocating at Christmas is funny,
For one day, there’s no reason I can see,
Why shops don’t give us things for free!

Wednesday, 5 December 2007


G. G’s initials, like her features, are horsey.
Theodore Roosevelt’s descendants say cuddly toys—named after their famous relative—inciting charges of blasphemy recently in Sudan, could provoke the US into a declaration of war on extremism. Making extremists the latest in a long line of ‘-ists’ (Communists, terrorists, etc) who representing the American people’s nemesis.


An investigation is underway after some launched proposals collided with airborne police, who, as members of the constabulary’s hang-gliding division, were taking part in a ‘dawn swoop.’ MPs regularly ‘launch’ proposals when they’re not calling for ‘full-scale public enquiries’ into things, investigators are expected to be told. On this occasion, it is believed the proposals were launched before being cleared for take-off.

Anna Jolliruc.