Friday, 25 March 2016
(UNDERSTANDING THE BRIGHT OWN IAN’s)
(Ed. Rich Seamfinder)
COUNCIL’S ‘RESIDENTIAL APPROPRIATENESS’ SCHEME
‘INAPPROPRIATE AND INANE’ FOR RESIDENTS
Lars Throat, a Big Issue vendor in and around Bartholomews, where Brighton Town Hall is situated, spoke to Brighton News about the bizarre scheme and of how he first heard of it.
‘A lot of my customers work for the council. I don’t like to gossip but now and again you hear rumours or overhear snippets of private conversations. On this occasion somebody slipped the information in my pocket sealed in a plain brown envelope. It basically means that say you live in Gardner Street, you’ll have to do a job that’s horticultural or very closely related.’
But critics of the scheme have reacted furiously, anticipating serious problems if the idea is implemented. Barnaby Jones, a plumber currently living in Gardner Street, said, ‘I suppose anyone in a dead-end job would have to live in a cul-de-sac!’ Mr Jones is Chairperson of Gardner Street Residents’ Opposition to the Residential Appropriateness Scheme Committee.
The council were unavailable for comment. However, a regular customer of Lars (who asked to remain anonymous) pointed out that Lars’s example contains a vital flaw: ‘Lars is completely illiterate; otherwise he’d have seen Gardner Street’s missing the “e” that would make it Gardener Street. This sort of scaremongering spells disaster for people who don’t read carefully or pay close attention to detail.’
Lars, 47, is a Norwegian fisherman who claims he fell foul of the Scandinavian mafia after he refused to appear in a skin product advertisement. Fleeing to England in 1999, he was badly injured in a series of accidents with drains in London before moving to Brighton in 2008 where he became homeless last year.
Ian J. Narolc