Saturday 4 May 2013

FALLING OFF A LOG...

Easily falling off logs,
Cooks are walking their dogs,
Before making their way, en masse, to spoil the broth,
Incurring the head chef’s righteous wrath,
Who, despite being offered money,
A fool was promptly parted from,
Indignantly sits shaking on a kitchen stool.


Outside the kitchen, a wise man listens,
Wetted by his tongue, his bottom lip glistens,
Also, how it quivers in apprehension,
Perhaps, of the many slips between a cup and it.


Nearby, an argument between a tailor and a surgeon escalates,
As each professional tries best to decide whose stitch will save nine.
Not wanting to split hairs, a neurotic barber minds his own cares.


A partially sighted ironmonger is testing his mettle,
Turning a blind eye to an otherwise watched kettle.


Next door to the ironmonger’s premises,
Living in filth and squalor:
Is a woman, her work is never done,
Because she never starts it,
Instead, she nags her son.


Meanwhile, in the east side of his shop,
A bookseller places ‘Huckleberry Finn’,
And ‘Tom Sawyer’ in the west,
And never the Twain shall meet.


There’s more to this than meets the eye,
Which the quickness of a hand deceives,
We’ve all heard of the Official Receiver,
But who knows what he receives?


A baker’s dozen, counted by their evil cousin,
Rise to the occasion forming a coven.
Determined to leave, baker Steve uses his will power,
With great discretion,
Knowing that where there’s a will,
There’s a solicitor.


Talking of which,
A shit with a writ serves it
On some dimwit without a permit,
Who thinks that ‘permission’
Is a task for contented cats.


With both feet planted firmly on the ground,
A smirking idiot is found,
Pointing at the coastline and proclaiming:
‘Worse things happen at sea.’


‘All things come to those who wait,
Is an expression I truly hate,’
The hapless waiter said to his mate.
Reflecting how inaccurately the saying describes his life,
The waiter’s always late,
For catching buses and getting to work,
Or even keeping a date,
When it comes to the waiter,
Sooner or later, he’ll end up in a state.




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