Monday 1 March 2010

PEOPLE I DON'T CARE ABOUT... (PART 1)

Haemophiliac pygmies—I’ve no sympathy for the little bleeders!
As for people who say things like, ‘There’s more than one way to skin a cat.’
They should be flayed alive.
People who are over zealous about work for its own sake piss me off.
After all if there was money in working rich people would be doing it.
On a work related matter, people I’d like to batter smell of fish and moan about how hard they’re always grafting.
I don’t believe these tedious martyrs, unless they happen to be cosmetic surgeons.
Anyone who’d go under the knife purely for reasons of vanity would cut their nose to spite their face.
I can’t stand people who appear left behind by the human race.
People as stupid as they look should fall prey to every crook.
Serve them right—the dozy pricks—to always fall for malicious tricks.
People on their mobiles who say they’re on the bus should spontaneously combust.
Or choke on their pus.
Boring strangers who make your acquaintance, at a bus stop perhaps,
And inflict their autobiographies and medical symptoms on you,
Should be struck dumb and paralysed,
Then subjected to a stimulus they find unbearable… Indefinitely.
I’d make clumsy people train as juggling, tightrope walkers and perform in circuses.
People who interrupt could be woken up every time they fall asleep.
Chauffeurs are not beyond reproach—they’ve driven many people to drink,
Make them lose their licenses and walk everywhere, I think.
Talkative taxi drivers represent a rank experience albeit for fleeting moments,
If I could I’d afflict them with Alzheimer’s and watch them driving round in confused circles.
War veterans who never give anyone else a moment’s peace should be made to cease,
I would vengefully discredit the tradition of commemorative poppies;
Fostering rumours of links to opium and Al Qaeda.
People who refer to Al Qaeda at the drop of a hat, as the source of every potential threat—no matter how slight or implausible—should face time-wasting legislation, if not terrorism.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Julian,

    This one is thrilling.
    It's ranting at its best!
    What I mean is that I cheer at every line.
    Looking forward to part 2.

    Jamie

    ReplyDelete