Nepalese dysentery mutants on University Challenge—
Non-starters for ten, then breaking for elevenses,
Ill at ease, they drink antifreeze,
Wheeze with radioactive breath,
With self-induced rigor mortis, they mimic death.
Holidays in Chernobyl provide them with their memories,
Breast cancer research units provide them with mammaries.
‘Mammy, please,’ sing Al Jolson impersonators for their entertainment,
They give up their saliva for Lent.
‘A coin is wasted that is not spent,’ they taunt numismatists by chanting but soon repent.
They revere the silhouette of Bamber Gascoine and project it onto maps,
Confusing shadow boxers with their weirdo, manic traps,
They campaign against Turkey and think it should be banned,
Because the name describes a bird, they suspect it wasn’t planned.
Besides the Turks are berks, they swear,
Posting their shaved hair to MPs in protest.
Collecting marbles to squeeze and lick,
For them—tonguing spherical glass does the trick.
Putting their bald heads together,
They dabble in the occult to outlaw the name Trevor.
Leather jelly suggestion boxes foxes their detractors,
Who they chase with selotape (while playing tubas) riding tractors,
Weighing the odds, assessing the weather,
They gauge these and other factors.
Free association styled prose from Julian Cloran, visual artist, writer, poet and agent provocateur. Random musings, which are sometimes cynical, but always intended for amusement, stimulation and entertainment. Comments are welcomed so don't be shy. Simply click on 'comments' to post yours.
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